It’s Been a Year

It’s Been a Year.

It really has been a year. It. Has. Been. A. Year. 

We have just passed the 1-year mark of the world entirely changing for my family and me.  For us all. 

The beginning of 2020 was bright and promising.  I was gearing up for a big push in my business.  My adult children were on their own and learning to navigate this world.  My husband made a scary change in career that we hoped would lead to big things once it got going.  My youngest was preparing for a new step in her ballet training. 

And then… 

And then the world went upside down. 

Two weeks to flatten the curve.  Lockdowns, rules, fear.   

We had no idea what we were facing -how to react.  We had no idea how we felt.  We were all in this together – but all so very alone.  So isolated and unsure. 

We laughed.  We made memes.  We encouraged one another and we tore each other apart. 

A strange man with a mullet and tigers captured the attention of the world.  Netflix stopped asking if we were still watching – we were. 

The fear rose.  The anger retaliated.  The anxiety set in.  A deep-seated anxiety that ate at the base of everything and gnawed at our innards.   

We lost jobs. We lost friends and family members – some to COVID and others simply because of COVID. My kids all ended up back at home.  Everything was cancelled. 

Information came at us fast and furious and it was all conflicting.  Evidence showed up on all sides and often switched sides.  

And we kept going.  We joked as we cried behind closed doors posting funny quips and sound bites on social media.  We realized that we were living in Jumanji. 

And it continued. 

Women were forced to labor and birth their babies alone and unsupported.  Seeing only anonymous eyes above nurse’s masks.  Their fresh babies were taken from them if there was a positive test. 

Our elderly were cut off. 

And we kept going.  And the depression rose up to meet us. 

Doulas were not allowed in the hospitals.  We had to sit on our hands as administrators made rules and scrambled to keep people safe but missed the mark in so many ways.  Medical policies were made by lawyers and the media dangled us on the end of their tangled lines and we lost more. 

This pandemic has taken its toll in more ways than anyone could have predicted or imagined.  Heartbreak has come from every quarter and keeps coming.  We all long for normal but no one knows what that is anymore.  Do we really want it or do we just want to feel the burdens lift. 

I don’t know what the future holds.  I don’t even fully comprehend what has been contained in this last year.  

All is a blur.  A whirlwind that rises each time I try to bring perspective into focus. 

I do know I spent a lot of time with my family.  We played games and watched movies.  We had long conversations.  We went for walks and sometimes we just drove around in the car for a change in our day.  I read.  I sewed nearly 2,000 masks.  

I saw an increase in homebirths and birth center births in communities around me and for that, I rejoiced. 

I cried and I screamed into the void.  And, somehow, I kept going.  I am still here.  I am still relevant simply because I must be. 

I pray the same for you all.   

Keep going. 

It has been a year…